Nurturing Your Network
In my previous article, The Five Types of Network Connections You Need at Work, I shared the structure we should strive for when building professional networks geared towards accelerating our growth. In this follow up I’ll be re-using many of the same terms, so if you haven’t already done so, I suggest first taking a read through to understand how each connection is defined.
Of course, knowing what your network should look like and actually building and maintaining it are two different things. And while for some of us networking comes quite naturally, I’m keenly aware that this is not the case for everyone.
If adding some structure to your process will help you get over the hurdle that’s preventing you from expanding your network, this article will provide you with resources and a framework for constantly tending to your relationships.
Check your excuses
Before we get into the structure, we need to address our fears. Whenever I encounter someone who feels fearful about networking for one reason or another, it generally boils down to the same three excuses I lovingly debunk. If these excuses resonate with you, you’re not wrong for feeling this way – you just need someone to gently hold your hand and tell you to GET OVER IT. Let that person be me!
Excuse #1: They’re too busy/important
You’ve identified someone who would make a great mentor or sponsor. But they are several levels above you and you’ve made an assumption that their day is stacked with meetings that are more important than helping you. You might have even snuck a peek at their calendar and felt sympathetic about their busy schedule. Whatever the case is, you’ve already decided they don’t have time to spare to help you.
Unfortunately, your well-intentioned attempt to be considerate only puts you at a disadvantage. While you’re sitting there feeling paralyzed, someone else is asking them for time and being sent a calendar invite. Why not you? And your assumptions may not even reflect reality. A potential mentor might reserve office hours or space on their calendar specifically for these types of chats. Their week might look busy now, but they might have more availability three weeks from now.
You must also remember that unless you’re their assistant, it is literally not your job to manage someone else’s calendar. Every time I’ve announced that I’m leaving a company, I get inundated with requests from people who want to chat before I go. Some of these people, many of them young women, tell me that they’ve always wanted to reach out but never did because I’m so busy. This has always made me sad. If I was legitimately too busy, I’d tell them I’m too busy. But it’s more likely that I would make time for them a few weeks out, or I might suggest someone else who’d be a great connection in my stead.
I do recognize that there’s often a cultural component to this depending on your family’s nationality or where you were raised. People from cultures who value politeness often struggle to ask for favors they would have no problem fulfilling themselves. Think of a few people you know whom you feel neutral-to-good about. How would you respond if they asked for your time? Even if you weren’t able to make time for them, how would you feel about the request? Would you be annoyed or would you feel flattered? Use that reflection to break through your paralysis and help you frame your request.
Excuse #2: I want to accomplish this on my own
We’re conditioned to look down on others for leveraging their network to get ahead, even while we recognize that the entire system is set up to advantage people who know people. Understand that there’s a vast difference between a nepo baby and you.
Understand that there’s a vast difference between a nepo baby and you.
We can accomplish far more together than we can alone. Having someone refer you to a job, nominate you for an opportunity, or pull from their own hard fought expertise to get you past a roadblock only helps you go further, faster. It’s not the cheat code you think it is. Remember that you still have to earn sponsorship. You still have to pass the interview. You still have to execute on company goals. You still have to perform. Be resourceful and make use of others’ power and influence to help you do good work in the world. Earn a mentor’s respect and advocacy, and be proud of that accomplishment in and of itself. Be gracious and responsible when others are generous toward you.
Excuse #3: I have nothing to offer
Perhaps the most paralyzing excuse is the ick we feel toward “transactional” networking. Last year I spoke at ColorStack’s “Stacked Up” Summit, a conference for Black and Latinx students studying Computer Science. During the Q&A, a student bravely shared their fears about networking. They want to build authentic relationships, not transactional ones – especially because they felt they had little to offer in return so early in their career. Judging by all the nods and snaps in the room, this sentiment was shared by the other 400 students in attendance.
There’s both a truth and a lie lurking in that student’s fears. The truth is that we all want authentic relationships. The deeper truth is that authentic relationships blossom from transactional relationships. Transactions build trust. You ask me for help, I offer you advice, you follow up with me on how that worked out for you, and suddenly we have a deeper connection than we had before.
The lie is that you have nothing to offer. You’re thinking too small and too short term if this is your excuse. Anyone who’s been in the industry for a while knows that networking is a long game, and the payoffs eventually come.
Consider the following ways reciprocity happens: I once made a critical hire as a Director because I’d been bold enough to send a cold LinkedIn request to a random VP of Engineering five years prior when I was still an engineer (she later referred one of her mentees to my open role). Many of my paying clients are people I hired, mentored, or unsuccessfully tried to recruit ages ago. People I was geeked to connect with when I was new to the industry have come to me years later for intros or insight, now that I have a bigger network and a lot more experience. You might not have a tangible thing to offer in return now, but I personally trust in the arc of the universe and know that a 30 minute investment of my time may pay off for me in the future, should I need something later.
Mentoring and sponsoring others also helps me reputationally. Recall that managers with a solid set of protégés advance faster than managers without. If I mentor you and you attribute even a small part of your future success to me, that’s an incredible payback. If you talk nicely about me in the backchannel, that helps me hire employees or gain clients. If I offer you advice and you tell me how it worked out for you, that feedback helps me become a better leader.
What really thrills me is knowing that you will pay it forward.
Beyond that, let’s not forget about the joy that comes with helping others. As both a manager and a coach, trust me when I say I feel physically high watching good people succeed. What really thrills me is knowing that you will pay it forward. I haven’t always been able to meaningfully repay the people who have helped me in my career, but rarely do they actually need anything from me. They helped me because someone along the way helped them. I want to do the same thing for others. I want to see my investment in you multiplied in all of the people you’ll help. There’s nothing more authentically beautiful than that.
Run a “network sprint”
For any type of continuous task, I like thinking in terms of “sprints.” For those unfamiliar with the term, it comes from an agile framework for project management, where work is prioritized within a short, timeboxed period – typically in increments of 1-4 weeks. I personally like to make sure I’m checking in with someone, either a new or existing connection, every two weeks. You can set a recurring calendar reminder for yourself if you need to. At the top of each sprint, run the following process:
Step 1: Affirm your goals
Before auditing your network – either for the first time or as part of your regular practice – you first want to understand the season you’re in by affirming your goals. What do you need from a network right now? The job hunter’s network will look very different from the promotion seeker’s, so current context is key. Think about your most pressing short term goals and how you might leverage a network to accomplish them. Already feeling well supported? Then think about your medium-to-long term goals and remember that networking is a long game. Invest in building and strengthening relationships now so that they will benefit you in the long run. (And if that sounds selfish, refer back to excuse #3!)
Step 2: Audit your network
Using the Network Audit worksheet, run an audit of your network. I highly recommend you keep a digital copy rather than a printed copy, because remember the names you add to this sheet should be changing over time!
If this is your first time filling out the form, add all of your existing mentors, sponsors, protégés, hub connections, and squad members. If you don’t have enough connections for each category, think of your aspirational connections – who do you know who would be a good addition to your network? Put an asterisk (*) next to the connections you view as aspirational.
Step 3: Plan your network activities
Using your audit worksheet, pick a small number (maybe 1-3 people) to reach out to. Consider selecting a mix of existing connections and aspirational connections. Decide the best way to connect with each person: For some it might just be a quick email to ask how they’ve been and what’s happened since you last spoke. For others it might be a 30 minute meeting to ask for specific guidance or spend time with a protégé. Attending meetups or conferences is also an option for your networking sprint. Whatever it is, make it manageable for you. It doesn’t have to be a huge time commitment or a panic-inducing networking event.
Step 4: Ask, receive, offer
Once you’ve identified your networking activities for the sprint, do a quick pre-plan. Using the goals you affirmed in step 1, think about what you need from them and include a heads up in your request, so that you can both come prepared. Try to avoid an overly generic request to “pick your brain.” Consider this perfectly formed request I received from someone I am newly mentoring: “Hi Jill! Would you have time in the next week or two to chat? I'm at a bit of an inflection point/impasse in my recruiting process and could really use your perspective.” She went on to give a bit more detail, but this sentence on its own gave me enough information to understand the urgency and thrust of the topic.
If you’re hoping to connect with someone for the first time, give a short intro, share why you want to connect with them specifically, and give them a hint at the type of conversation you want to have. If they accept your request, prep a list of questions beforehand so that you can make good use of their time.
Show gratitude for whatever you receive. If they offered advice or committed to an action item, or even if they just told you interesting stories that gave you a new perspective, reflect back to them what you received. Tell them how you intend to apply it. Commit to following up with them in a short timeframe so they can know how it helped you. I absolutely love hearing from someone a few weeks after the fact to know whether or not our conversation panned out as they expected. And just so you know, these three follow up formats are equally appreciated by me:
Hey Jill, thanks for the chat last week! I reflected on what you said, did <x>, and <good thing> happened!
Hey Jill, thanks for the chat last week! I reflected on what you said, did <x>, and <bad thing> happened. Here’s why I think that is and what my next steps are. Let me know if you disagree with my approach.
Hey Jill, thanks for the chat last week! I ultimately did not take your advice, because <reasonable explanation>. Here’s how things are working out for me. I appreciate you giving me your perspective as it helped me move with clarity.
All of these responses let me know that you gained something from our conversation, that it was worth our time, and that you’re taking action and learning from our conversations. These responses also help me learn how to be a better resource for you and others. Receiving no follow up at all only leaves me with questions and could make me hesitant to accept future meeting requests.
Finally, it’s always a good gesture to ask what you can offer in return. When someone has been particularly helpful to me, I often make a silly joke like, “Wow that was incredibly useful and generous – where can I send the Edible Arrangement?” It might get a laugh, then prompts them to share what they actually do want (in the case of my most recent conversation with a mentor, she just really wanted a follow up email so she could get the scoop on something she was helping me investigate). When I recently helped a job-hunting mentee, he asked if he could send me a DoorDash gift card. Instead, I asked that he keep me in mind if he ever hears about people or companies who are seeking coaches or management training. That’s super valuable and an easy request to make. If you ask how you can repay their kindness and they tell you they truly don’t need anything from you, say thank you again and offer to pay it forward.
Repeat!
Once you’ve wrapped up your sprint, it’s time to repeat these steps! Make a habit of doing this regularly and you might find that networking isn’t so scary after all.
Watch it bloom
Like any garden, your network won't thrive from a single burst of effort. But with consistent, manageable effort — even just a few intentional touchpoints every couple of weeks — you'll look up one day and find a network that is not only large, but also varied, engaged, and relevant to your goals.